We lost another on Victoria Day.

And now, it's only 4 days away from Slobberfest and our 7th Annual Beagle Wiggle Walk after waiting 2 long years to come together in support of these dearly loved beagles. So much to do. Pledges are coming in despite the hardships we're all facing in the wake of the Pandemic. Kind people to thank. Trailer to be loaded. Foster Parents' emails to be answered.

Please forgive my delay. I will not let you down. Because you're all part of this Family.

You're there to welcome the new arrivals, to cheer on the long-termers, to celebrate the adoptions, and to hold us up at times like this.

Before the Show must go on, I will follow this tradition now. It's ok if you want to stop reading here. These next words are really more for the one we lost. The one I lost. In the hopes these words from my heart will somehow reach his heart wherever he may be.

In the hopes he will know that he continues to be loved…too much.

♥♥♥

I loved him too much.

That's where I went wrong.

Maybe if I hadn't melted every time I touched his fur. Fur like plush velvet!

Maybe if I hadn't been ridiculously delighted every time he did his 'combat crawl' in the grass as though it had never been done by any other silly dog before him.

Maybe if I hadn't always made room on my lap for our extra long forever foster beagle at TV time. Draped over me while I tried to keep a drink from spilling or a dinner tray from overturning because he never landed gracefully.

Maybe if I hadn't been so in love with his face. His perfect mesmerizingly beautiful face which made it so easy to giggle over all the gross stuff. Like his friendly-fire fart bombs that went off usually while draped over my lap at TV time.

And one must never forget his greatest passion - drinking out of the toilet bowl which naturally instilled in me the all important practise of leaving the lid up for our Prince of Porcelain.

Odd that I should follow that confession with this but…maybe if I hadn't felt butterflies every time he planted one of his sloppy kisses on my face. I think he spaced them out so I'd appreciate them more. I wish he would have known he didn't have to space them out.

Maybe if I hadn't felt as though I'd won the lottery when Neal, the most beautiful beagle I'd ever seen, became my foster beagle just less than 3 years ago. I remember the day I gathered him up from the shelter. The pain of abandonment in those big dark eyes as he sat next to me in the passenger seat. The eyes I vowed to bring joy back to from that day forward.

But I loved him too much. That's where I went wrong.

Because it always leads to this in the end, doesn’t it? Words from a heart that's barely holding together.

I lost the dog I loved too much to a suspected brain tumour that swept him away in a storm far more horrifying than the one on Saturday. As if knowing WHY he's not here anymore is ever going to make any sense to my heart.

I think I'm going to love you too much forever, if that's ok with you.

My Big Deal Neal.

All my love,

Marna (your mom)